Well it has been AGES since I've written anything.
Why am I writing today? Because I want to capture my answers--answers that continue to come to me--after I had asked myself a question over a week ago.
Back in the Fall I had met someone and began dating them and I truly thought he was 'the one' because it was happenstance that we met in person and after some flirting, was asked out. Further, we had very compatible personalities and there was lots of wonderful affection, attraction and I could see he was a good father and man. It ended suddenly and threw me for a huge loop. I lost weight in December simply because my appetite disappeared and I took advantage of that and got myself into ketosis until Christmas. I went to a dance competition and did really well and was at least pleased with having made it through December with a weight loss.
Anyhow, it has been November, December and most of January that I've struggled to come to terms with it ending and returning to being single. Throughout most of January, I permitted myself to eat whatever without having to plan it out because I was dancing about 8-11 hours a week and I was definitely feeling it. We had booked 4 hours of classes and then on Saturdays I was involved with private lessons all day.
Since February I've had more time to myself and have gotten over "the hump" and feel less heartbroken. I've also been gaming a lot on my computer, chatting over the internet with my "best internet friend" who is much younger, but also lamenting the single life. It has helped to distract and entertain me.
By Christmas I had lost about 11lbs and had gotten down to 167.5lbs. Throughout February, I have quickly regained and I'm at 180lbs. I seem to gain weight very easily and have a super hard struggle to take it off, even when I was working so hard on calories in/out last year in February.
Last week a thought bubbled up from motivational books and such I had been exposed to in the past: you get good at whatever you focus on.
I considered what it was I had been focusing on: that I was sad, lonely and single. I was definitely getting good at that.
Then I asked this question: "What would life be like if I returned my focus to getting back to the gym and ending the 'rinse & repeat' lifestyle?" Because honestly, every single day feels exactly the same at this point. I felt like I was stuck in the movie Groundhog Day and last week there was an afternoon at work where everything felt so repetitive from the days, weeks and months before that I nearly burst out laughing at how life can get like this.
This was a very stimulating thought because it brought new perspective to my day considering how life would be different. This post is where I will record my thoughts on how life might be different.
